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Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

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'Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You' by Donna Frazier and Susan Forward delves into the intricate dynamics of manipulation tactics such as fear, obligation, and guilt that are used by individuals to control and coerce others. provides insightful comments, practical advice, and extensive examples to help readers identify emotional blackmail early, establish boundaries, and effectively manage such toxic relationships. Written in an easy-to-understand style, the book offers clear explanations of the concept, variations of behavior involved, and ways to interact with others while addressing the root causes of emotional manipulation.

Emotional Blackmail explores the psychological impact of manipulation, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and responding to coercive behavior in a calm and persuasive manner. highlights the need to differentiate between allowing individuals to face the consequences of their actions and rescuing them from their own suffering, ultimately empowering readers to assert themselves and establish healthier relationships by setting boundaries and standing up against emotional blackmail.

Writing/Prose:

The writing is clear and informative, utilizing relatable examples that make the concepts easy to understand.

Plot/Storyline:

The narrative focuses on emotional blackmail in various relationships, detailing the identification of blackmailers and offering tools for healthier interactions, supported by numerous real-life examples.

Setting:

The setting encompasses a range of interpersonal relationships, applicable in personal, family, and professional environments.

Pacing:

The pacing is moderate, encouraging readers to digest complex concepts and strategies at a manageable rate.
The world of emotional blackmail is confusing. While some emotional blackmailers are clear in their threats, others may send us mixed signals, acting kindly much of the time and resorting to blackmail...

Notes:

Emotional blackmail is used by important people in your life like spouses, parents, or bosses.
It involves manipulation through fear, obligation, and guilt.
The book offers real-life examples from the author's practice.
Changing your response is key to breaking the emotional blackmail cycle.
Standing your ground and building confidence are essential strategies.
Most of the book focuses on identifying blackmailers, while solutions are a smaller part.
Readers often find it takes time to digest the book’s information.
Emotional blackmail can be difficult to identify and escape from once established.
The book explains that individual patterns of thinking play a role in emotional blackmail.
Some people are more susceptible to emotional blackmail due to personal issues.
It highlights the need for personal boundary-setting to reclaim your voice.
The author emphasizes that blackmailers may not always be bad people.
Disapproval is a significant tool in emotional blackmail to manipulate individuals.
The book is praised for being clear and relatable with practical advice.
The term 'FOG' stands for Fear, Obligation, and Guilt, which are the pillars of emotional blackmail.

From The Publisher:

A practical guide to better communication that will break the blackmail cycle for good, by one of the nation's leading therapists, Susan Forward.

"Breathe a sigh of relief! Susan Forward helps you identify and correct an intensely destructive and confusing pattern of relating with those you love. I highly recommend this important book!"-Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

"If you really loved me..."

"After all I've done for you..."

"How can you be so selfish..."

Do any of the above sound familiar? They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: our compliance.

Susan Forward knows what pushes our hot buttons. Just as John Gray illuminates the communications gap between the sexes in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and Harriet Lerner describes an intricate dynamic in The Dance of Anger, so Susan Forward presents the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation, and gives readers an arsenal of tools to fight back.

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About the Author:

Susan Forward, PhD, is an internationally renowned therapist, lecturer, and author. Her books include the number-one New York Times bestsellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents. In addition to her private practice, she has served as a therapist, instructor, and consultant in numerous Southern California psychiatric and medical facilities.

 
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